I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
