never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
