I cockslap morals
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
