How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Alive.
So much puke
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
