Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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