are you still at the devil's house?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
