i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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