The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
