Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
