I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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