I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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