Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
