please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
