when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize