Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
