LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
