I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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