You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
