I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
