Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
