i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
