There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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