Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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