so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
