Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
