I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
