this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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