I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
