my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
