it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Be still, my beating vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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