Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
