What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
