Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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