That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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