This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
