Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
