Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
