I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
