Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
