The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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