Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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