apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
