Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize