Kiss
Puke
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
