I want to have your abortion
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
