My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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