dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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