he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
