i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
