I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
