At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
