I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
