For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
