I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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