i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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