It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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