please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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