kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize