Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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