She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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