3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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