A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
