i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize