At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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