apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
