There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
