Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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