who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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