yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
no, he came in my armpit
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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