I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
