My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
